


Broken Hands, Broken Hearts

by Stahvie



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, and not like a thing between the characters, its brief though, mention of buttstuff kinda, ya boi has regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 09:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14973920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stahvie/pseuds/Stahvie
Summary: Based on a reqYou're a surgeon taking care of Strange during his recovery and he's a total arse to you. He comes to regret the way he treated you and comes back hoping for forgiveness.





	Broken Hands, Broken Hearts

“What are you doing?”

You looked up from Strange’s battered hands in the direction the velvety voice came from. You’d been checking up on his hands hoping not to wake him while you worked. As a surgeon he was known to be very particular, but as a patient, well, there was a reason why all of the nurses seemed to become too busy to tend to him.

Strange was an exceptional surgeon, and while you too were a great surgeon, the way he worked, it seemed like he could weave magic with his hands. You couldn’t lie, you didn’t just admire his work, you may have also had the slightest little crush on him. He was no more than an acquaintance, but when did that ever stop a person from liking someone.

To call him competitive at his work wouldn’t be correct. For him to be competitive, he’d need to believe other surgeons could rival him, and he simply didn’t think that to be the case. Despite his ego, he could be quite charming, though that seemed to have met the same fate as his hands.

“Cleaning the scars… if that’s alright?” The tone of your voice wavered a little. You’d hoped to sound a little sarcastic to hide the fact that he intimidated you. You were both professionals in the same field, he knew how the wounds needed to be cared for so you assumed the question had been rhetorical but you’d answered it regardless.

“Well it hurts.” He snapped. You felt bad, but it was necessary to avoid infection.

“Good.” You replied sharply. His eyes flashed angrily at you, so you continued. “If it hurts, it means the nerve damage could have been worse.”

“So, I suppose you think I should consider myself lucky then?”

“Lucky’s a stretch, but at least you weren’t killed.” You said. You were trying to help him look on the bright side but he was too attached to his grief to let it go.

Strange huffed and turned away from you to avoid more conversation. Fine. You preferred it when he didn’t talk. Eventually he broke the silence.

“For a nurse, your bedside manner could use some work.” He said sardonically.

“I’m not a nurse.” You grumbled, refusing to look anywhere but his hands. You were just going to do your job and get out. “You scared away all the nurses so you’re stuck with me.”

“Oh, joy…” He said dryly.

You finished up what you were doing, gathered everything together, and left him to mope alone in his self-pity. He wasn’t going to get any sympathy from you. Had he been the man he was before his accident, sure, but he still deserved to be treated with kindness. But he wasn’t that man anymore. His accident had taken away any good qualities that had been in him.

Suddenly, you felt immense guilt. The man had just had his livelihood taken away from him. His future had been stolen from him, of course he’d be upset. Strange needed someone to show him some empathy despite alienating everyone. He was hurt. More than just physically. You made a vow to yourself to show him kindness next time.

Next time hadn’t gone any better. You’d barely been able to keep a straight face while tending to him. Once you were clear of the room you braced yourself against the wall and let the tears that had stung your eyes finally fall down your cheeks. Why was he like this? How could someone sink so low. Sure, he’d been through a lot but how could he be so heartless? Sympathetic faces glanced your way as the nurses passed you in the hall, but none made you feel any better.

All at once you felt amazingly stupid. How could you have liked this man? Despite being sometimes obnoxiously confident, which on the rare occasion had been endearing, he’d been charming and friendly enough to the people that respected him. He’d been that crush that you knew you really shouldn’t like but you had no control over. Your heart had betrayed you, but at least you hadn’t let things develop too far.

Over the next few months you continued to take care of him after each surgery. No one else was willing to do the job and you were stubborn and didn’t want his attitude to defeat you the way it had sent so many nurses running.

Once again you found yourself changing the dressings in silence while Strange refused to admit you were even in the room. The only acknowledgement you’d ever get was when you touched somewhere particularly sensitive and he’d bark at you to be more careful.

“Why…” His voice broke the silence. It took you by surprise causing you to jump and your hand to slip. He hissed in pain.

“I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry!” You sputtered. It bothered you a little how much you cared if you hurt him.

“You consider yourself a surgeon with those clumsy hands?” He yelled. “How many have you killed out of recklessness and incompetence?”

You whispered another apology and tried to continue to care for his wounds hoping he was done berating you. He wasn’t.

“Oh, I bet you studied your little heart out to get here, didn’t you? Countless sleepless nights and study groups, fuelling yourself with whatever caffeine hit you could get your hands on, and for what? Undeniable mediocrity! Was this your childhood dream? To grow up and really make a difference in the world? And what are you doing now? Removing toys from the stomachs of idiot children and dislodging items from perverts that they accidentally ‘fell on’. Yeah, you’re living the dream.”

“And don’t think I don’t know who you are. I’ve seen you. Skulking around. Taking the patients no one else wants. Why though? Because you’re too incompetent to take a patient worth saving or is it just because you’ve got a heart of gold and believe, if you really try your hardest, anything is possible? Is that how you got stuck with me? No, I bet you begged. You wanted to be the one to treat me because I’m remarkable! Hoping I’d mentor you now that my career is over? The closest you’ll ever come to greatness is touching these broken hands!”

Your lip betrayed you as it began to wobble. You didn’t want to let yourself be so affected by his words but he’d pulled out some truths and used them as ammunition against you. Yes, you absolutely wanted to save lives, you definitely took cases that others wouldn’t because you really believed everyone deserves a chance at life, no matter the risk. You’d never considered it a bad thing but Strange was openly mocking you as though you were no more than a child making naïve decisions based on hope.

As tears threatened to fall from your eyes, you quickly excused yourself from the room. You refused to let him see you cry. You stopped at the doorway and paused for a moment. You wouldn’t let him drag you down to his level.

“Strange… I hope you have a good recovery… and I hope you find happiness wherever your life takes you next.” You called back to him, leaving before he could say another harsh word to you.

You were done. Strange was becoming a vile man that lacked any kind of empathy. It was hard to watch him fall so far, but you just couldn’t keep watching.

*

You were fresh out of surgery and more than ready to call it quits for the night. The odds had been stacked against you, but true to yourself, you’d picked a patient that was considered too risky, and what’s more, she made it through the operation. It was hard to celebrate the victory, things had taken a turn for the worse which meant the surgery had taken hours longer than anticipated. You were exhausted but proud. Until you saw him.

You’d changed out of your scrubs and was just about to make your way to the carpark when you spotted him turn the corner at the far end of the hallway. Despite the time that had passed, you still panicked and ducked into the closest door. It was a small storage closet and you were just relieved you hadn’t accidentally burst into an unsuspecting patients room. Ugh, what was he doing here? And what was he wearing?!

A few seconds passed, enough to make you think he hadn’t seen you, but you had no idea how long you’d have to wait in there. What if he hadn’t gone past yet? What if he was still in the hallway talking to someone? You’d need to come up with a good excuse to use if someone questioned why you were in the tiny room. You looked around and reached for the first thing you saw.

The door opened unexpectedly, catching you completely off guard.

“Hnnn…glove!” You blurted out and held up the single glove to show Strange. Well, that was embarrassing. You rolled your eyes and shook your head at your own actions and tried to push past him to escape the situation. You didn’t want to give him the chance to sour your mood after your victory on the operating table.

“[L/N], wait.” Strange reached an arm out to try to get you to stop but you weren’t going to let him manipulate you just so he could berate you like he had done so many months ago. “[L/N], I need to talk to you.”

You gave him the filthiest look you could muster and darted beneath his outstretched arm. You barged your way out of the door and made a beeline for the carpark.

“[Y/N], please.” He called from the door. The sincerity in his voice only made you angrier at him. He called after you again. People were starting to look at you and as much as you didn’t want to cause a scene, you really didn’t want to spend another second with that man. After you’d turned the corner you could no longer hear him calling for you. It couldn’t have been that important if he’d given up so quickly.

Exiting the building you wrapped your scarf around your neck to stop the cold air from assaulting your warm skin. After you dug out your keys, you looked up and saw him waiting by your car. How did he do that? You’d taken the most direct route out of the hospital. You must have been more tired than you’d realised. Maybe you shouldn’t be driving.

“What do you want, Strange?” You finally caved, he very clearly wasn’t going to leave you alone until you’d heard him out. Then again, you could just drive off, it’s not like he knew where you lived and could magic his way there like he’d seemingly done to beat you to your car.

“[Y/N], I’m sorry. I was unnecessarily cruel to you.” He spoke solemnly and you decided to hear him out, giving a slight nod for him to continue. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I need to apologise for the way I treated you.”

You didn’t know what to say. Unsure if he was being genuine or if this was some kind of ruse to further humiliate you, you decided to remain silent. Forgiveness was not going to come easy.

“I should never have said those things to you. I can’t remember what I said exactly anymore, but I know you didn’t deserve any of it. Not just the things I said on the day you walked out, which I can’t fault you for, but also for everything I said to you throughout my recovery.” Strange said.

Your mind replayed the things he’d said to you over those months, highlighting some of the more hurtful things he’d called you.

“Pathetic, miserable, naïve, a sorry excuse for a doctor…” You listed off.

“I’m so sorry, [Y/N]”

“As useless as your hands…” You recounted.

“Completely uncalled for.” Strange said grimly.

“Forgettable.”

“Not a shred of truth to that.” The look in his eyes made you believe he was being honest and you despised that.

You were prepared to hate him for the rest of your life but he did seem sincere. No, this had to be a trick. He wanted something.

“What do you want, Strange? Do you need a ride somewhere or…?” You rolled your eyes at him and left the question open ended so he could reply with whatever he was obviously buttering you up for.

“No, I don’t need a ride somewhere.” He chuckled inwardly at some inside joke you were obviously out of the loop of. “Honestly, [Y/N], I regret every horrible thing I’ve ever said to you. You don’t need to forgive me, if you think I’m past forgiveness then I can accept that, but it would mean the world to me if you did.”

“Why are you doing this?” Your voice shook. You wanted to appear unaffected, but old wounds were being reopened. You were angry… dejected… vulnerable.

“I became something terrible after the accident. I scared a lot of good people away. Some of them friends. You though… I thought for sure after that first day that you’d disappear like the others had, but you came back. You kept coming back. [Y/N], you showed me a kindness when no one else would.”

Stephen reached out for your hands, they were growing colder the longer they were exposed to the night air and placed them in his. It surprised you that he’d willingly let you touch his hands now, they were so scarred and he’d resented every moment you’d touched them during his recovery.

“What’s changed?” You asked, you stared up into his stupid, sparkly eyes hoping to find the truth in them. They reminded you of the misguided crush you’d once had, and you resented that a few kind words from him made you feel like you still had remnants of it. “Why should I believe you now?”

“You’re a smart woman, [Y/N], you don’t need to believe a word of what I’m saying if you don’t feel like you can, but I hate what I put you through.” He paused and his fingers shifted so they interlaced with yours. “After western medicine failed me, I sought out an alternative. It helped me come to peace with my accident.”

You traced your thumb across one of the many scars on his hands, not knowing what to say to him.

“I’ll never be a surgeon again, but I’ve found a way to help people. I can help more people now than I could have with healthy hands and I have you to thank for that.” His voice was soft and reassuring. “You inspired me. I don’t pick and choose who to save based my reputation. Everyone deserves a chance.”

How were you supposed to react to that? Strange barely entered your mind anymore these days and when he did you were used to resenting him. Now out of nowhere he shows up and has completely changed? On top of that, the butterflies that used to live in your stomach seemed to be moving back in again. That was the last thing you needed when trying to decide if you should forgive him.

“I need time…” You whispered. You were willing to give him another chance but it wasn’t going to come easily.

“Time?” The corners of Strange’s mouth curled upward gently. “I can give you time.”

The way he said it made it seem like another joke you didn’t understand. Sometimes you thought he seemed as peculiar as his name implied, and finally deciding to give him a chance, you would soon find out just how bizarre he’d become.


End file.
